


Winter Gloam

by kunstvogel



Series: Snapshots [3]
Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, College, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-09 22:39:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13491273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kunstvogel/pseuds/kunstvogel
Summary: Lew's struggling with depression as the end of their first semester of college approaches. Dick does all he can to help, but he's not a professional.





	Winter Gloam

Dick closes the door with a weary sigh, quickly bending to untie and shuck off his snow-covered boots. They’re nearing finals week now, and everyone’s cramming for exams- but he works, and Target is cramming for the Christmas rush. So he hasn’t had much time to study at all, and he hasn’t been home much to see Lew, either.

At the moment, Lew is asleep on the couch with the TV on, muted. Dick’s smile fades when he sees the empty beer cans strewn across the table, the mostly empty pack of cigarettes next to Lew’s car keys. Lew’s only just turned 18, but it seems he’s picked up a number of adult vices already. When Dick comes closer he sees that Lew has been crying, his eyes puffy and red even closed in sleep. His heart aches with regret and he pulls a blanket from under the table, throwing it over Lew’s slight form and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Dick retreats to their bedroom, peeling off layers of clothes soaked in snow and sweat until he’s bare, then goes to shower. The hot water is a relief against his icy skin, and he melts into it with a deep sigh. The heater in his car has been broken since the spring, but he’d forgotten about it over the summer and can’t afford to fix it yet. Lew has offered his own car many times, but Dick politely refuses, knowing how sensitive Lew is to the cold, and how attached he is to his car.

He steps out of the shower and towels off, brushes his teeth, then runs into Lew on his way out.

“Hi,” he says, blinking. “Thought you were out for the night.”

Lew grunts, tugging the blanket tighter around his shoulders. “Hav’ to pee,” he replies slowly, and Dick steps aside. Lew is drunk, he can tell, but he doesn’t say anything.

“All yours,” he says, and watches Lew disappear into the bathroom. He goes to get dressed, tugging on boxers and a T-shirt, and climbs in bed. Lew joins soon after, pitching the blanket and all of his own clothes, save his briefs, and slipping under the covers. He flips off the light.

They lie in silence, not touching each other. It’s all wrong, Dick thinks, but he doesn’t know what to do about it. Lew’s been distant, quiet, since the days started getting shorter and his shifts longer.

“Dick?” Lew asks eventually, his voice small.

“Yeah, Lew?”

“Am I...a burden?”

Dick rolls over, startled. Lew’s looking at him, biting his lip, eyes glistening with tears. “No, Lew, you’re not,” Dick soothes, reaching over to cup Lew’s cheek. “You know I love you,” he adds sincerely. “I’ve just been busy, sweetheart.”

“It’s not that,” Lew mumbles, twisting the sheets up in his fingers. “It’s just- you have all these new friends, a-and a good job, and you’re passing all your classes with barely any effort, and-” Lew chokes himself off, shaking his head. “I-I feel like I’m on the outside. I feel like I’m just holding you back.”

“Lew,” Dick protests softly, sliding his hand down to Lew’s arm, “I want you here. But if that’s not what you want-”

“No,” Lew chokes out. “No, I want to be here too, Dick, it’s just- I-I just feel like I can’t keep up with you, a-and…”

“Lew, sweetheart, everyone goes at their own pace. Just ‘cause you haven’t gotten as far ahead as me yet doesn’t mean anything. You’ll find your way in eventually."

“I thought everything would be better in college,” Lew whispers, a tear streaking down his cheek. “But it just feels like I’m stuck in the mud.”

Dick smiles faintly. “College is just college, and Pennsylvania is just Pennsylvania. What’s  _ better _ is right here. This apartment. Us, together. The people I’ve made friends with.” Dick rubs Lew’s arm slowly, watching the expressions on his lover’s face. “Once class is out we should all have dinner together sometime. They want to meet you, Lew. I bet you and Harry would get along famously.”

Lew squirms a bit, biting his lip. “Maybe,” he says. “My last final is next Thursday.”

Dick smiles, wider now. “Well, just think about it. And, Lew...” Dick pauses, wetting his lips. “If you need to...y’know, get professional help...you know you can do that, don’t you? No one will think any less of you.”

Lew stills. “Dick...do you...do  _ you _ think I need help?” he asks, his voice small.

Dick’s smile fades. “Lew...” he sighs. “I can see that you’re not coping with your feelings very well,” he says. “And I think you’re depending on me too much to make you feel better when I can’t fix the real problem.”

Lew stares back at Dick, his expression blank. “Okay,” he says after a while, and rolls over, his back turned to Dick. “Good night.”

Dick kisses Lew’s shoulder. “Good night, Lew.”

*

Lew isn’t as distant through the rest of finals week, but he’s quiet; either studying or sleeping whenever Dick is home. Some nights he still comes to bed smelling of alcohol and ash, but it seems to have abated somewhat, and after his finals are all finished he comes home with a psychiatrist’s note for a prescription. Dick hugs him tight and kisses his cheek, and Lew flushes, squirming uncomfortably.

“I’m proud of you,” Dick assures Lew. “I think this will be good for you.”

“I hope so,” says Lew.

“It will be. I’m sure of it.” Dick smiles. “Oh, that reminds me- Harry and the guys were thinking about going out for dinner tomorrow night. Since everyone will be finished by then. You think you’ll be up for it?”

“Sure,” says Lew, despite the anxiety Dick knows he’s feeling. Dick pulls Lew in for another hug, and Lew is receptive this time, pressing his cheek into Dick’s shoulder. Dick realizes he’s trembling, and his heart clenches.

“You’ll be okay,” Dick soothes. “I’m right here, sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere.”

Lew nods, his lips quivering, and Dick kisses his cheek.

“Let’s take a nap,” he suggests. “I’ll make you breakfast for dinner tonight, would you like that?”

Lew nods again, managing a tiny smile. “French toast,” he says.

“French toast it is,” Dick agrees.

**Author's Note:**

> Like the last part in this series, this work is very personal for me. The outcome of Dick and Lew's relationship here is not the same that my experience was, but I like to think this is what could have happened if I'd just gotten help for myself and backed off for a while. Extreme codependency isn't healthy for anyone and your partner/friend is not your therapist. It's okay to look for support but don't rely on someone else to keep you happy.


End file.
